7 Rules For When You Meet a Pastor’s Kid by Barnabas Piper

Pastor's Kid

I’m a pastor. I’ve been a pastor for almost 14 years serving in Kentucky, Florida, Indiana and now Arizona. I’m a husband and dad too. God has been most kind to my bride and me by giving us 3 kids and we just found out we’re pregnant with our fourth. To say we’re elated would be an understatement.

Increasingly though, I find myself worrying. Worrying about raising them in the church and hoping that they’ll grow up to love Jesus and His church (all by God’s grace of course); worrying about whether or not I’m preachy at home; worrying about the balance of expecting them to obey and enforcing disobedience with discipline, as well as giving grace and hopefully giving lots of it. I find myself worrying a lot these days. I know what you’re thinking. You’re a pastor and don’t you know what the Bible says?!? Worrying is actively not trusting in Jesus. It’s believing that God is not good and somehow He’ll not be good to you. You’re right and I’d appreciate you praying for me.

My kids are pastor’s kids. There’s a lot of good that comes with that and there’s some downsides that come with that too. My kids will grow up with a spotlight on their lives that “normal” kids won’t. Even now I’ve found myself wanting them to behave, or sing a song in “big church” or respond in a particular way because, “hey, I’m the pastor and I’ve got a reputation to uphold.” My kids are fairly young and at times I’ve already placed unhealthy expectations on them. To that end, I picked up a book months ago called The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity to try to better understand what I can do to be a good, godly, caring dad (who also happens to be a pastor) to my kids. Here’s seven rules Barnabas Piper gives for when you meet a PK:

  1. Do not ask us, “What is it like to be the son or daughter of…?”
  2. Do not quote our dads to us.
  3. Do not ask us anything personal you would not ask of anyone else.
  4. Do not ask us anything about our dads’ position on anything.
  5. Do not assume you can gain an audience with the pastor through us.
  6. Do not assume that we agree with all the utterances of our fathers.
  7. Get to know us.



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